trust

What is trust? Trust is that feeling you can rely on other people to be honest, fair, and respectful. Issues arise when the trust you have placed in others gets destroyed. You may have taken the risk of trusting another person but it has gone badly. You feel hurt, betrayed, and scared to trust again.

 Trust issues are actually forms of defense mechanisms, but not necessarily healthy ones. People may create ways to avoid the risk of possible disappointment. Especially when they start to expect that they cannot ever trust other people. This can result in self-sabotage. They project what has happened in their past onto what may happen in the future.

Do you think you may have trust issues? Here are three signs that your levels of trust may have suffered:

• You Don’t Believe What Other People Tell You: Honesty is an important part of any relationship. When you know someone has lied to you your trust in them is blown. Always wanting to fact check what someone says is a warning sign that you have trust issues. Even if there is no logical reason to doubt what a person has said, you check it out. You ask others if what they said is true. Or, you do a little digging and research to confirm what they are saying.
• You Expect the Worst: You are always on-guard and anticipating that others will betray you. Even when there are no signs that it is going to happen. Lack of trust and trust issues may include being extra suspicious of other people’s motives and behavior. You feel taken advantage of, but only because it has happened before. You feel like you can trust no-one.
• You Keep People At A Distance: You may long for deep and meaningful relationships in your life. Yet, you find most of your friendships or relationships are superficial. You may have trust issues with letting yourself go with emotional or physical intimacy or commitment with others. You may find yourself feeling like an outcast or labeled as a loner.

How To Build Trust in a Relationship

Building trust in relationships can be hard work at the best of times. Even more so if you have experience betrayals of your trust in the past.  Feelings of mistrust can run deep. It does take time and commitment. Reflect on your past. Think about how it may impact how you feel.  Accept other people for who they are rather than what you are afraid they will be.

• Acknowledge and Learn From the Past: If you have experienced breaches of trust in the past, acknowledge this. It is very similar to the grieving process. You need to go through the stages of acknowledging what has happened. Then accepting and finding ways to move forward in a different way than before. It has happened, but it does not mean that it is going to happen again. You may be repeating patterns if you always getting hurt with the same types of people or situations. Reflect on these patterns of trust issues in relationships and learn from them.
• Start Small: Baby steps are good when it comes to developing trust in any kind of relationship. Let people earn your trust. Rather than diving straight in at the deep end, start with something small. Think of your very first job. Did your boss let you run the company on the first day? Highly unlikely! You have to prove your trustworthiness. Let trust build gradually and naturally. Don’t blindly put your full trust in someone from the get-go in your personal relationships.
• Face Any Issues: If any issues arise, face them. Think about whether there is a breach of trust in this relationship. Or maybe you are subconsciously protecting yourself from the risk of it happening. Learn ways to communicate openly with other people. Seek advice and support from health professionals if you feel you cannot trust people. They can help you get to the root of the cause. They will work with you to develop strategies to overcome trust issues.